thedailyspew.com

I feel like a bank giving a quarterly update but my life has been so hectic lately that I really havent had a chance to post. I let my feed reader get well over a 1,000 posts and I dont think I get more than 50 in there a day!!!

When I promised myself that 2010 would be the year of change I really didnt believe that by the end of March I would have:

* Ended a 3 year relationship

* Moved houses

and

*Accepted a new job

Not quite sure what Q2 holds but from the outset my liver is going to need reinforcements, my weekends have so far involved little sleep and some great nights out with the lads!!!!

I also have triathlons to train for and holidays to plan assuming the volcano ash doesnt scrap Europe travel

How are all 3 of my readers doing??

Coming home early from a mate’s 30th and slowly starting to realise that work drains most of my energy and I simply can’t do two big nights in a row anymore… poker last night at a mates spot, played alright and came second, followed by a night in the grand ensured I didn’t really surface on Sat until the afternoon.

It really sucks getting old and working to live. That said work is improving and I might have found something to specialise in, always good.

Here are 20 Rules that must be adhered to

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us whining about you leaving it down.

2. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

3. Saturday = Sports

4. Crying is blackmail.

5. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

6. We don’t remember dates. Mark them on a calendar and remind us frequently.

7. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

8.a. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. 8.b. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

9.a. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. 9.b.In fact all comments become null and void after 7 days.

10. If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us. We refuse to answer that question anymore.

11. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

12.a. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during advertisements. On the BBC there are none, during football you are in for a long wait. 12.b. A beer would not go amiss.

13. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

14. ALL men see in only 16 colours. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. We have no idea what mauve is.

15. We are not mind readers and we never will be.

16. If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” we will believe you now
17. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine.

18.a.You have enough clothes. 18.b.You have too many shoes.

19.It is neither in your best interest or ours to take any quiz together. No, it doesn’t matter which quiz.

20.a. BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you. 20.b. Beer never goes out of fashion

I remember all these years ago when we were promised man will move to the moon in the 21century. Almost if it was yesterday, I can clearly recall a picture depicted in a book predicting the future, where there were humans living on the moon, with shops etc. This was in grade 2 way back in the 1980’s – now that we in 2010, it doesn’t seem the world has evolved all that much, Television is in colour still and while ‘the box’ has evolved to plasma and LCD, 3D TV is nowhere near mainstream. Telephones are now portable, so there has been a move forward in that department and computers have revolutionized the way we do business from the 80’s. Transport has remained the same though, in fact there are more cars on the road and traffic has become a nightmare…. Where are the flying cars?????????

What has been the best innovation for you in the last decade or two????

2010 has got off to a good start, with a 2hour cycle on the 2^nd of January, however after taking a break from any form of fitness for the last 4 months, it has really showed. The last small incline on the way home almost made me walk, and frustrated me as the Granny with the zimmerframe effortlessly strolled past me.

The reason for the big push is the 2010 Argus Cycle Tour taking place in Cape Town, South Africa on 14 March. A mate of mine has challenged me and has been in training for the last few weeks. We have a bit of cash on the outcome, but the pride for winning the rivalry between us for out weighs the $1,000,000 $50 wager we have on the outcome.

My target is sub 4 hours for the 110km race, which means I should be averaging 30km an hour in training. I am currently at 18km/h (probably the slowest ever) so I am a long way off.

As I left work today and started my venture onto the London vessel, I was held up at the ticketing gate as a queue formed to get through the Liverpool Street underground barrier, it must have been seven deep at least. Fair enough, rush hour traffic happens, even though I avoid standing in queues when possible, there was no alternative option. Finally there is one person in front of me (possibly 45 seconds later) when she stops and proceeds to take her ticket out her wallet…… FOR PETES SAKE!!!!!! Why dont you Fucking take the ticket out BEFORE you get to the barrier?????? You incompetent baboon – you are seriously depriving a village….. If its you dont do it – you are more annoying that slow walking people on a busy street. Please dont wait until you are at the barrier to rummage for your ticket, do it beforehand

Some of you might point out that I am missing an “n” in the title, however, you are mistaken, the “h” is missing. The post has very little to do with the X Factor (my street cred is still in place) and all to do with betting.

Today has been pretty successful on the poker table, managed to take $75 off some muppet in two consecutive hands, and have just stuck that on Olly Murs. Bit on an outside option but we will see which is the best whiner.

Any thoughts on this programme? I have endured this living with girl housemates and am excited tonight is the last night of X Factor and will be elated if Olly wins, 3/1 odds

Of course the real winner again is Simon Cowell with many people wasting their parents money phoning and voting as well as the $$$$ the adverts will generate between the whiners

It seems that the bulldog knows how to skate, and play TV games – are they the most intelligent dogs?

Never before have we heard such a disaster of the national anthem. Granted its no waltzing Matilda, but France really gave South Africa the up yours with their selection of professional singer. This didnt go down well with the coach or the players and I am sure there are more posts on this subject.